Sunday, October 30, 2005

Public Service Announcement

The following halloween costumes are LAME:

1) Your Work Uniform. You know who you are, you flight suited NASA tour guides, you National Guardsmen, you policemen. C'mon, you may as well put on your tennis shoes and say "Hey look! I'm a jogger!"

2. Slut. A catch all category, including Slutty Nurse, Slutty Cop, Slutty Taxi Driver, and the ever popular Slutty Slut. Yes, you get attention, yes, you'll have loads of people to talk to for the night, but at least get into the spirit of things. Free Banngerald suggestion: you could put on some white makeup and go as a Dead Slut!

3. Elvis. There are two exceptions to this rule: a) Dead Elvis (as per Dead Slut above). Like, I don't know, maybe get yourself all pale-puffy and asphyxiated with a mixture of vomit and pills crusted to the side of your mouth. That would be kind of cool. Something. OR b) If you and fifty of your friends dress as Elvis, that's kind of cool cause everyone around you will be creeped out and maybe a little scared, especially if you are all drunk.

4. Fairy. By which I mean Bare-Minimum-Fairy, by which I mean Store-Bought-Wings-And-Nothing-Else-Fairy. I'm just asking you to try, that's all.

5. Street Clothes. I mean really, you people make me long for the days of wicker man fire sacrifices. Seriously, I would so burn you for the glory of the red god of Samhain if I could get away with it. You have been warned.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Life of a Substitute Teacher: Classroom Aphorisms

Found on a classroom wall:

Winners Do What Losers Don't Want To!

And the moral is: uh... don't be a winner, cause you'll get stuck doing the craps jobs that even the losers don't want?

Or am I reading it wrong?

Sneaky Update

*Banngerald creeps in, looks around furtively*

Everyone gone? Good.

*rearranges room just the way he likes it*